Home?

I'm at my mom's

It's sooo weird being here. I lived with her my whole life.. I lived in this house for 4 years. I've only been living in Lancaster since September yet I already miss living here so much even though when I lived here I hated it so bad.. It still feels like home the last time I was here was only a week or two b4 Christmas and I cried because I missed it so bad. I hated living here because of her boyfriend who I always used to fight with because of his stupid rules like the stupid ass gate across the drive way that prevented my friends from driving back to get me ... back a 1/4 mile long drive way and the fact NO1 was ever ever ever allowed to come over. I left because he kicked me out.. He isn't allowed to own a gun because of trouble he got in over drugs that was my fault... on a very very very small scale.. I was told I just had to be gone for hunting season because he had to hunt with a bow and arrow and didn't want any noise back here.. Turns out I wasn't allowed to come back

I wasn't even allowed here for thanksgiving or Christmas and am only here now because he is at work... What I wouldn't give to live here again How I miss it soooo much ugg... New friends in Lancaster are all that keep me content with the fact I don't live here.. I'm almost happier there because everyone here knew me and my group of friends was starting to dwindle I sorta like my new ... Life I guess

I just miss feeling like I'm actually home.

absolutely disgusted

Not until last night have I ever disliked someone so much i couldn't even stand being in the same building as them.. I try not to let other people bother me or ruin my good time but as soon as I saw his car driving on the road from the back deck ... not even in the development yet I was disgusted.. absolutely disgusted .. I knew that it was going to cause drama .. He knows he told me he hated me and never wanted to see me again because I made the decision to make myself happy for once and not worry about other people. So why , knowing I was there did he decided to come over and not just come over but come at 12:30am when things were winding down and drunk he came over DRUNK as shit wtf I'm so sick and tired of these stupid fucking drunks and there god damn drama UGG Even though I hated he was there I kept it together I existed around him I ignored him ... when I over heard him not knowing how to set up the x box i even FUCKING helped because I like to think I'm a good person at least good enough to put that much disgust and hate aside to help.. Any recognition? no. thanks? no of course not because he has no heart no brain and no balls... he's worse off then the crew from Wizard of Oz This is such a rant.. ugg anyway Things were a lot of run last night we played rock band and acted stupid and it was a lot of fun until Neil acted completely out of hand again just trying to tear me down all night even after I was soo nice to him despite of much I dislike every fiber of his being. I'm really at a loss for words now I don't know what I'm supposed to do. I don't even know what I wanna write

Quiet

In the car last night I was talking with someone close to me about something that bothered me it was a little bit of a heated situation but t was sorta dumb we were both a little upset nothing serious but after we both got done saying what we needed to say it was quiet just the sound of the car the music was off was just a silence with a sorta of tension in the air ... most people would feel uncomfortable but i sorta liked it I like the quiet drive where you could clearly tell we were both a little upset and we were both thinking about something..

going home today coming backup on Sunday for the game

25th

Merry Christmas...

Im so annoyed today I couldn't even know why.. I woke up at 8:20 because my stupid alarm on my phone that's not even set went off then Chris turned on the TV...then I ad to wait till like 9:30 to pee and when i got to do my hair it wouldn't sta uggg Stupid little things never bother me god how i wish I would break down and smoke a cig...


Thanks Bobby = )

Christmas

I miss when christmas was all about running down stairs in the morning and ripping your presents open because you were a kid and nothing else really mattered ... Just sitting around all day with brothers and sisters and playing with your new toys... Ugg how stress-filled the holiday season has become as I've gotten older...

Enough of that.. I'm almost sick with myself for not feeling Guilty about somthing I did this past weekend.. I feel like since what I did was to better my happyness that I shouldn't feel bad I made the right decision I'm happier now so why do I feel like I should feel guilty ..because I hurt someone in the process someone who has been hurting me for years ugg ...

I've gotta go do somemore christmas shopping.. Hope all is well with everyone

God Bless

Mistake..

This time I know I made the right choice

Tacky Christmas Sweater Night!!

• 1st I would like to say that at the end of my post "Good Morning Rainy Day" I had some words about Curtis.. My picture at the top of my blog is of him and I at a St. Patrick's day party the night we started dating. Three years is a long time to live with someone and accept there faults.. Missing his mistakes everyday

Fighting Through

• Last night went up to Chris' we went out for dinner it was gooooddd and got his mom her Christmas present AND got his sister her Christmas present.

• Tonight is KKDM's (Kyle, Kyle, Derek, and Mike's) Tacky Christmas Sweater party haha I got one of my grandma's although she said it's not tacky it's pretty it's bright red with two bears wearing Santa hats sitting in front of a window and out side is Santa and his reindeer flying past a big moon in a starry sky HAHAH and it's knit of course I can't wait to see every one's I already saw Asian Kyle's because it was laying out last weekend. Mine is 3 sizes too big for me.. I know I'll still look hot though

• I'll post pictures later hoping to get a group shot of everyone who wears one and those who don't can take the pictures hahaha well I'm gonna go finish getting ready

<3 Me

Get Drunk and Fuck Me Over.... 12:41pm

Andrea couldn't highlight my hair because she got drunk the night b4 and didn't want to wake up. That's the second time in the past 3 days that someone ruined plans because they got drunk. WTF! Anyway here are some pics of my new hurrr.

Good Morning Rainy Day

I went to sleep last night at 7pm
uggg
I woulda slept alll night but my mom called me at 10:30 and woke me up because I sent her this picture

So she HAD to call and find out what I did... i told her she has to wait until it's finished just like everyone else ... and then I said I love you good night and went back to sleep but not very good sleep

I can't EVER sleep unless I'm in bed with someone else.. I dunno why

Well anyway I remember looking at my phone and it was 1am so I switched sides of the bed and fell back to sleep woke up at 5:30 because my dad was playing with the dog RIGHT outside of y fucking door and haven't been back to sleep yet

No point in going back to bed now it's 8:11 and Neil is coming at 9:30 so Andrea can put in highlights and style it for me because I suck at everything girly

I love days like today when it's all gray and overcast I like the way it makes the earth seem sad and they way it makes a smile seem so much happier

I love all the crooked lines in my room reminds me that not everything is perfect like I wish it could be so bad

Missing Curtis sooo bad this morning maybe because I'm tired and listening to Copeland and it's gloomy outside for whatever reason I wish he were still here and I'll never understand what he died for .. Love you forever and ever no one will ever fill this hole in my heart I just pray god forgives you for what you've done

It was your hello that kept me hanging on every word

And your goodbye that keeps me listening for your voice around each corner

Re-salt-s 5:22 pm

So I love it... it's amazing Andrea Gutshall is amazing at what she does....

Pictures tomorrow after part two is complete

Im gonna need you to lie to me 9:13am

I'm nervous and anxious at the same time ... how horrible the mix of those two emotions makes me feel. I'm sitting on my super king size bed with my favorite boy in the whole world.. Max ; D

Just waiting for Neil to get here...

I told Neil that if it doesnt look good to lie to me and tell me it's great or I might not leave my room until it changes back

Towels in the dryer... Shoulda done that last night just didn't feel like it now I have to wait to get a shower... Blah

Drastic 12:22 am

So today ... WOW what a day

Neil came over this morning as I'm sure you can tell from my last blog
we chilled gave max a bath because he was yellow.... Yuck

Then we left went to That Fish Place to get my Bass-tard fish some worms and went to my sista's.... while there this guy tom says about going to the beach...

I was down so was Neil so he takes me home we both pack and meet back up..

Tom doesnt answer and when he does he says he is drunk note it's only like 5 pm and he is throwing up from drinking so much.. So that falls through I have all this money now that I got from Daddy for the beach so we decided to go to the mall after sitting in the car and talking with our teeth clenched for about an hour HAHA

I'm getting a very drastic change done tomorrow I dont want to say what I'll just post a picture tomorrow...... I can't wait Neil's sister is gonna do it.

Part 2 isn't untill FridayI dont know if I want to wait to post untill Friday or if I should tomorrow...

I probally will then because I cant wait for anything

Well I gotta go switch my damn wash because I cant afford to pay someone to do my wash for me ugg that'll be the day

Blog... 9:46am

I hate neil

okay no i dont he was just making me mad asking me what the point of this blog was

I guess i really dont know and I may or may not keep up with it but who knows...

Ugg I hate when he is here somtimes cause I wanna do what I wanna do and I have to entertain him blah

I guess that's the point of someone coming over but he always has to come over at like 8 or 9 am and Im just getting out of bed and crap

Rants 12:51am

Super slow long night no sleep

Loud cars zipping past the house

You'd think all the little turbos and loud ass exhaust would be parked for the night because of the snow guess not which means because I spent the past 4 nights in dead silence up North I'm not going to sleep again tonight curse the front room..

What's the big deal with people demanding my attention?

Ugg I want my attention to but I’m too busy handing it out to everyone else ... Time to pay me some attention... Like getting a job

A little bit ago I took my puppy Max out for his 1st play in the snow and I let him off his leash, stood in one spot and shined the laser all over the yard... He's sound asleep now = D hehe

Fight Me

Oh Myspace what a mess you've made
I hate how wrapped up in myspace people get...
Comments cause fights
Pictures cause problems
It's called MY space for a reason it's about me
I'm so happy that you can make it so only your friends can see it
This is my fucking snowman I made in the snow tonight
He has Blue eyes and a red mouth and stick arms and a blue scarff ... Dont hate

Okay so REALLY it's 10:18 PM I dunno how to change the damn time on this thing ...

Snow

I was alone almost allll day

Couldn't sleep last night woke up at 6 ...company till 8:30

ALLLONNEE Till 2 ... Company on the ride home

Alone again I'm so tired of being alone all the time UGG

Someone please be my friend

In Lancaster